The girl with the green scarf

i think that the years passed but i still remain a little girl in the heart and in the head!!
i really think that i can't grow up ..........please tell me what i have to do to grow up???


i really miss.....

....when i was 9 and mum used to visit me at the breaks of the elementary school with a small gift in her hands......i still remember the melody of a small pencil bag she gifted me which was like a small piano to keep your pencils.........
...............dancing on the bed before going to sleep.........big kiss from mum and a hugeeeeeee hug

sometimes i think i am not so strong to go on with my life i don't know it's because i am passing a difficult period of my life and i wish i was sooo so tinny again so i could hide on my mum's skirt and noone will find me..........
i just saw confessions of a shopacolic and i liked so much Rebecca and her personality
is it bad being a girl like Rebecca(ok i don't spend so much money - but i am still a child in manners like she was) is it bad having a ''pink'' character like her in this life? although she had a green scarf she lived in a big pink bubble and i like those pink bubbles where you imagine the world like a fairytale and at the end everyone is happy and smiling ...

is it bad that i like only happy endings??? whom i have to blame??? the fairytales that grandma used to tell me when i was little...??? i don't like the colors of life i see .......they are black and white and most of the times they are black totally black and i can't handle BLACK!!

i am trying everyday to put purple , yellow , green , pink , blue every color of the rainbow in my life but it's so oooooooo difficult .......is it bad that i always want a hug to hide inside , a hand to reach and holding when walking??? is it bad that as the years pass i don't like walking alone???????sleeping alone ? waking up alone and doing things alone? as the one child in the family i enjoyed being alone...and now??? what happened to me??? as we grow up we can't handle lonelyness??




and speaking about the green scarf i remembered that grandma had a very nice green scarf in her closet and i am going to search for it



going to bed now.......
goodnight to all the girls that can't live without pink bubbles , fairytales and holding hands............

xxx